I tried on my first wedding dress when I was 22 years old. I was at the wedding dress store to try on a bridesmaid dress that the bride picked out for me to wear and decided to casually flip through the racks of white dresses.
My mom was with me and we both fell in love with this simple, straight, silk dress. "Try it on," she said. "Yes, please try it on," the lady who worked at the store said. She must have thought I was engaged. I wasn't, not even close. I had just downloaded my fifth dating app that week and hadn't been on a first date in over five months.
But I did. I put it on. And that was the first moment I fell in love with an article of clothing that cost more money than I've ever had in my savings account at one time. It was also the moment I asked probably the most prolific and important question of my life to the store attendant: "How in the world would someone pee in this dress?"
The dress was skintight. I couldn't spread my thighs apart to walk, dance, or sit down. I walked in it like I was a penguin. The dress was zipped, tied, and buttoned on me. To get this thing off, I needed a small army of women and a good 17 minutes. I imagined that if I wore this on my wedding day, I would spend three-quarters of the evening in the bathroom dealing with wardrobe malfunctions on account of me having to empty my bladder.
But after being a bridesmaid for my friends many times and having to take on the duty of accompanying them to the bathroom and solving this age-old problem of how they are going to pee, I've learned (the messy way) some tips and tricks. Here are five of them.
1. Wave Hello to the Wall
If you're able to hike up the bottom of your dress, you can keep it on to pee. But instead of sitting on toilet, like you normally would, you're going to sit facing the opposite direction — your face eying the flusher. That way, the train of your dress doesn't stand a chance at falling into the toilet bowl.
2. Take Baby Steps Out of It
If your dress is skintight and you can hardly move in it, the best scenario is to unzip it and take it off. Even if this takes a lot of time, it's the best route. Trying to pull the bottom up or attempting to pee in a cup or a bag just gets messy, and the last thing you want to do is be faced with the challenge of trying to get pee off your $4,600 wedding dress.
3. Ask For an Extra Pair of Hands
This tip is a must — no matter what style dress you have. It may be awkward to ask a friend to step inside the stall with you and help you pee, but having them help lift up the back of you dress will make the whole experience a whole lot easier.
4. Find the Handicap Stall (but Be Courteous)
The more room you have, the better. Find the biggest bathroom stall you can for your trip to the bathroom in your wedding dress. Have an extra bridemaid on guard duty to make sure that if someone needs the stall you can hop out.
5. Plan Your Pee Times
Be strategic about your bathroom breaks. It may sound strange to schedule times to pee, but if you do it this way, you won't find yourself stuck in the bathroom when you should be on the dance floor doing your father-daughter dance.
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